5 helpful tips for providing appreciative and constructive feedback
In the age of COVID-19 pandemic, we are all working virtually more than ever before. At the symposium „Rethinking Working Environments“ symposium, Steffi Burkhardt, a thought leader and Gen Y spokesperson, pointed out that virtual working will continue to increase and will become indispensable in the future – something we should prepare for. This presents significant challenges, particularly for managers. With the end of the year approaching and employee appraisals coming up and many of us working remotely from home. So what is the best way to give feedback, especially virtually?
It can be challenging, but with my 5 tips can help to simplify this process. Firstly, let’s assume that, as a manager, you have already prepared the basics. You have made the notes about the employee’s performance and goal achievement, arranged an appointment, and set aside enough time to talk to them in peace. So let’s focus on the HOW: how do I can I best give positive and negative feedback virtually?
1. Use the VAKOG method (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, Gustatory)
Use all five senses in the conversation, for example, „I see or have heard that…“. Find out what your counterpart’s preference is by asking specific questions such as „What does your gut feeling tell you? What images do you have in your head?“ I have already addressed all of this in one of my articles – 5 tips for making the best first impression and what we can learn from Pippi Longstocking for the next initial meeting – because this advice is also very helpful here.
„I noticed that you planned the project very well and distributed the tasks fairly among the team. For me, these are great leadership qualities that promote fair cooperation within the team.“
Once you have found out which sensory formulations appeal most to your counterpart, integrate this sense repeatedly into your conversations and feedback. You will find that this helps to establish common ground with your employee more quickly.
„I have noticed that you have arrived late to our agreed team meetings on the last few occasions without offering an excuse, which is disrespectful towards your teammates and me.“
2. Use full messages when giving feedback.
Ideally, a full message should contain the following: first, we address one of the senses. In the above example – for the auditory type: „I heard“. Then you describe what the person did and finally explain what value it had or did not have for you. (Trust and further development in the example above) Nice feedback, isn’t it? It goes down well, doesn’t it?
„I heard that you managed and completed this project all on your own and on time. That showed me that I can rely on you, and for me, that’s a good basis for further development here in our company.“
3. Sandwich feedback
I’m not talking about the traditional sandwich feedback approach, which I don’t think goes into enough depth. (You give positive feedback first, then negative feedback. Finally, you give positive feedback again.)
My idea of truly meaningful sandwich feedback is as follows:
➟ First, select 2-3 examples that were perceived as positive. You then communicate these in a complete message.
„Dear colleague, the analysis you gave me today was very well prepared, clearly structured and easy to understand. It was a pleasure to look at and I can incorporate it straight into my presentation for the management meeting – you’ve saved me a lot of time and effort. Thank you very much, it was a really great piece of work.“
➟ Only then do you give a negative example:
„If I may offer a suggestion for improvement: I would ask you to prioritise my tasks more in future and not to take on too many tasks at once. This causes stress for both of us and increases your error rate. It makes both of us unhappy in our collaboration.“
When providing negative feedback, always explain why and which value has been violated.
➟ Finally, provide a positive summary (again, using full sentences).
„In summary, I would like to say that we have had a good start to our collaboration. I can rely on you and I greatly appreciate that you always complete your tasks on time. It is a sign of good teamwork. Thank you for that!“
This version of feedback is often controversial, of course, but I have had very good experiences with it in a wide variety of situations. Why does this approach work particularly well?
Once you have found some positive examples relating to the person, they will both be in a more positive frame of mind. This makes it easier for both parties to give or accept negative feedback. A final positive summary is always provides a good basis for further cooperation.
Convinced? If not, just try it out and see what happens! Practice makes perfect, as they say!
4. Camera on
Why? As facial expressions and gestures are dificult to perceive virtually, so it is important to look each other in the eye, particularly during feedback discussions. This makes it easier to tune in to the other person and perceive reactions more clearly. It enables us to respond and thus avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
5. Keep calm and dare to take a break!
If a conversation escalates, as it sometimes does, we usually react in one of three ways – we shout/retort (attack), we simply walk away (escape) or we say nothing at all („play dead“). None of these three options restores balance to a conversation. So what should you do? Taking a deep breath is a good start. This allows you to disengage from the situation and focus on yourself. It gives you time to gather your thoughts. Then summarise what has already been discussed.
For example, you could say: „Have I understood you correctly in that you disagree with my approach and therefore did not complete the task?“
This approach gives you time to gain an overview of the situation. It enables you to gain a new perspective and make yourself heard. It prevents impulsive, knee-jerk reactions and does not reveal any weaknesses. On the contrary – having the courage to pause and remain calm is rare these days. Your approach will surprise your counterpart and give you the upper hand in the conversation. Stay calm and strong!
My conclusion
Virtual feedback may seem challenging at first, but with the right methods, it remains as human, clear and effective as in a personal conversation.
If we pay attention to perception, language and attitude, we can also create an atmosphere in which real growth is possible digitally.
The five tips show that appreciation, clarity, and structure are the key elements — regardless of the channel. Leaders who internalise these principles to strengthen their feedback culture, trust, collaboration and future-proofing in their teams.
Feedback is not a judgement –
it is an invitation to develop further.
