Controversies can arise wherever people work together and emotions are involved. Thank goodness for that, because otherwise we would all be robots! However, knowing how to behave correctly in such situations is often not so easy.
As we spend most of our time at work, misunderstandings and conflicts have a greater impact on our well-being and cloud our everyday working lives. Unfortunately, this often leads to mountains being made out of a molehills.
Problems with cooperation and communication with colleagues not only cost time, energy and money, as productivity in teams is severely impaired.
From a personal point of view, conflicts naturally affect our mood, creating stress, that we may take home with us. And who wants that?
Ultimately, we all want to live stress-free and without conflict, don’t we?
Recognising conflicts early and acting constructively is the real art of solution-oriented conflict management. Here are my 6 easy-to-implement tips on how to resolve conflicts successfully:
1. Breathe and reflect
When you’re angry, pause for a moment, take a deep breath and consider how you will react to the conflict situation. This is a good first step. Distancing yourself helps you to approach the issue more clearly and avoid overreacting emotionally!
2. Create a private and safe environment
Conversations in a safe environment give everyone involved the opportunity to express their emotions and views freely. Another advantage is that it prevents uninvited parties from interfering.
3. Listen to both sides!
Different perceptions often reflect individuals‘ experiences of the same event. Therefore, all points of view should be heard. The following questions can help facilitate this conversation:
- What exactly is the problem that is being argued about?
- What do you want to clarify?
- What can each person contribute to finding a solution?
4. What is it really about?
Where there is a conflict, it is important to find out what it is really about. You are looking for the „core“ of the disagreement, so to speak.
Often, we argue with someone because they remind us of something and we associate them with it. Sometimes, people are on the receiving end of aggression that has nothing to do with them, for example bringing arguments from home to work, stress, frustration, etc. or because someone has hit a sore spot (e.g. questioning my competence or skipping hierarchies and leaving me out).
It is important to keep asking questions until you discover the root of the problem. Sometimes it helps to simply guess. If we trust our intuition, it will guide us and lead us to the source of the conflict. This may sound a bit esoteric, but how often has our instinct been right when making decisions?
5. Summarise what you have found out about the conflict
Write a neutral summary and communicate it to those involved to obtain their approval.
6. The final discussion
It is a good idea to conclude the conflict resolution process with a private discussion. Important components are:
- repeating the decision that has been made
- thanking everyone involved for their commitment and communication in resolving the problem
- working out a solution and agreeing on a joint approach, to which both parties must adhere to in future
- offering to be available for any future questions, thoughts or discussions
All of these points can be unpleasant and often highly emotional. It is important to keep a cool head during such conversations, to remain constructive treating each other with courtesy and respect, regardless of the topic.
It is important to use „I“ messages, to proceed sensitively and to avoid taking sides – every point of view can be important in resolving a conflict successfully.
If you feel overwhelmed by the situation and unable to resolve the conflict, a mediator can be a useful last resort. But it doesn’t have to come to that. Most conflicts can be resolved with the „right“ approach without the need for outside help.
Prevention is better than cure
An important way to aspect to avoid conflict is to communicate with each other in advance in a way that is based on values and is non-violent and to create a safe environment where disagreements can be addressed openly.
After all, statements such as: …
„I would be willing to compromise if you weren’t so stubborn about this point!“
„I think it’s childish that you always speak so badly about me behind my back!“
„He always treats me so condescendingly, as if I were new to the profession and I knew nothing about the subject matter!“
… are judgemental and can lead to misunderstandings.
The right wording is important
Neutral and positive wording establishes a foundation of trust and productive cooperation. Here is a suggestion on how the above statements can be rephrased so that they can be accepted as value-free:
„If she is willing to talk, I am ready to compromise.“
„I have noticed on several occasions that you have criticised me in front of others in my absence. That is not very respectful, and I would prefer you to address your criticism directly to me.“
„I would like to be recognised for my work and receive appropriate acknowledgement for it.“
My conclusion
These were simple tips on how to deal with conflicts more successfully. However, it is best to adhere to the words of Jerome Anders (*1975, artist and philosopher):
